


Please, hear my voice

by randomity



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-09-10
Packaged: 2018-02-16 22:02:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2285985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomity/pseuds/randomity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The floating lanterns' clear reflection on the dark, flowing waters; The frantic beating of my heart that threatens to crash my chest; The unwaiting time, not showing mercy to the emptying hourglass of what we have left. Just for now, no matter how much it hurts, can you hear me?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please, hear my voice

**Author's Note:**

> Set on Free! Eternal Summer episode 11

“I don’t understand you.”

 

His downcast eyes, his words uttered that I also cannot understand,  _I can no longer understand._

 

Years, years I've spent my life with Haruka, it has started to fall, slowly crumbling into nothing. Because of unknown dreams? Of unknown futures? How far have we began to drift apart in a span of months?

 

_I have to go to him._

 

Step, another heavy step, carrying myself towards that spot overlooking the sea. Reminiscing of the past, I remember the light-filled streets, scent of food and salty air wafting from below, and mostly of the twinkling blue...

 

Seeing him there, I would have thought,  _I knew it,_ but now..  _Do I still know?_

 

Unresponding to my voice, I steeled myself for whatever comes. I had so many lost opportunities to talk to him. If I don’t tell him now, I.. … When have we ever lost the unspoken, spoken words that we needed?

 

The moment Haruka started breaking our wordless communication, the more I tried clawing in to understand him again. Is it childish of me to think that way?

 

I let everything out. Just this once, I want to be selfish. I want to know what Haru wants for the future. I want to  _know_  Haru. I want to know about him  _again._ The Haru that loves the water, the Haru that loves mackerel, the Haru that I have always..

 

Speaking out what I think about his future, I never thought it was scary. Whatever he wants in the future, I would have always supported him. I want him to know that I’ll be there for him, even if..

 

But I’m more afraid of Haru that is now turning his back on me, of his expression scowling towards me like he’s had enough, _enough of me._ Begging for him to wait, but he’s unwaiting, unwanting to be with me this time.

 

 “Listen to me!”

 

_Please._

 

“However many times I listen, it’s the same!”

 

_No, it’s not the same! I just want you to be happy!_

 

“I’m fine with the way things are!”

 

_No, Haru, you are.._

 

“You’re lying! The truth is, you want to find a dream too!” I’m scared, I’m scared, but if I stop now, I’ll keep losing Haru.

 

_Please, hear my voice._

 

“And I’m saying I’m fine with the way things are!”

 

_I’m drowning._

 

“But you’re not fine!” I could feel my voice crack, my eyes are slowly losing their focus. I feel like drowning in unknown waters, slowly losing, losing my most important person.

 

“You’re not fine! That’s why we’re all telling you this! Nagisa, and Rei, and Rin, and,” Everyone, if I don’t matter to Haruka, at least the others should.. “And me!”

 

“It’s because we all love you.”

 

_Because I’ve always loved you._

 

“Because we care about you.”

 

_Because I’ve always cared about you._

 

“Why can’t you understand that?!” But more than that, why can’t I understand you right now? My head’s spinning with all the words.

 

All of a sudden I’m being pushed away, “All you ever do is meddle with everyone!” Haru’s harsh, angry voice had my heart grow cold.

 

_Haru, I just…_

 

“Stop going on about other people’s futures when you haven’t even decided on your own!”

 

And everything turned dark, dark again. Because I had sleepless nights of my own; because I know I’m not as fortunate to be someone special; because even if I’m afraid to walk in the dark on my own, I’ve always prayed for a future where you’re there.

 

But..

 

“I  _have_  decided.”

 

I can’t turn back now, I just want to cry on how that future’s forever uncertain, and I’m so afraid, afraid of the future where you’re not there anymore.

 

“I’m… going to a university in Tokyo.”

 

I looked away, but I want to explain to Haruka, I still would want him to know that I see him in my future, that I still want him in my future.

 

But this prayer would fall on deaf ears.

 

_“Do whatever you want!”_

 

With a broken, angry voice, he ran. Haru ran. And I was rooted to my ground.

 

I couldn't take it anymore. A choke, a stifle, and then I couldn’t stop the laughter from erupting. Of course, of course he would run. Haruka, Haru wouldn’t wait for me, he would always be out of my reach.  _Far, very far away from me._

 

In the end, the bitter taste of laughter became suffocating, choking on the cold, salty air, and now I couldn’t control the sobs shaking my entire body. I didn’t notice myself kneeling on the rough cement, stopped feeling the harsh, sliding grip I had on the fence, forgetting the scratching clutch I gave on the floor.

 

_Words now forever lost, time slowly losing,_

 

_Haruka.._

 

Water drops keep falling, I could only wish they were from a summer rain.

 

_Are we losing each other too?_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I HAD to write this as soon as I finished watching the episode. Now, could someone probably lend me a tissue or something?


End file.
